I have dated musicians in the past. They’re like an aphrodisiac to me, I’m attracted to them. Maybe they are attracted to me as well. There is something about a musician that turns me on. It’s almost as though, they have a way of getting through to me. I have dated guys that weren’t musicians, but our relationships ended rather briefly. And with the two musicians that I did date, they have changed my life, one way or another, for good and for bad. When people ask me, “what it’s like to date, someone who does music for a living, someone who uses your relationship as an inspirational clutch?”, I usually tell them that it’s their work, it’s their job, and that’s what attracted me to them. My job is to make sure that their music remains authentic and honest.
There are times that I don’t like that I am so attracted to them because there is a void, a hole, that never seems to be filled. You have to work twice as hard and make twice as much of an effort (than they do) to keep them happy. When it comes down to fighting for the relationship, it may sometimes feel it’s not worth it. And I say it’s not worth it because there’s so much that you don’t know that they are either going through or fending off and they aren’t telling you. Dating is hard, relationships are hard, and it takes a lot of work. But if the person is worth the effort and the obstacles, then the problems will be small in comparison.
There are a lot of things that make a relationship with a musician different than dating a person who isn’t. You have the fans, you have the force of having to be private or your privacy being in jeopardy, you have the industry in general and you have the emotions that they go through with the perfection of their music and trying to keep everyone happy. There are a lot of things that play a role in whether the relationship between you and this person can survive. Sometimes they will step out of the relationship or it could be you who steps out of a relationship. Other times, it is other situations or difficult issues that can’t be talked out. And that usually puts a wrench in that relationship.
With my ex, we have been dating for a couple of months and things were good until I would come to his home and find items of the other women that he would have stashed away. One day I decided to look at his social media site because I knew whoever was leaving their things around his home will try to make their presence known online. I came across a woman who was closer to his age than I was. She had four children and she told me she was dating him before I was. That was one of the most real relationships I was ever in and my real first heartbreak as well. He played a lot of games, there was a lot of lies told. And there were a lot of “I’m sorry”, “She don’t mean anything to me”, “Take me back”, “let’s start over, let’s start fresh”. At 20 years old it all sounds good in the beginning, but then I realize that his actions never matched up with his words. 8 years later, he resurfaces, but the same promises as before. This man is now 40+ years old, and my intuition told me that he was still the same person that he was before. Even promised my hand in marriage, and I knew that that wasn’t going to be enough. Since then we have gone our separate ways.
I don’t suggest people to date musicians for fame or fortune that comes with it. If they do become famous or wealthy, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. There is so much that comes with the responsibilities of dating someone who has the potential of becoming famous. It can either go well or it could go really bad. There is a foundation that has to be built, a foundation that has to be solidified before any of that can take place. You wouldn’t want to live in a home with a weak foundation, so why would you want to be in a relationship with a weak foundation? Communication is very important to me. And it has been important to me since the beginning. I’ve always loved to talk to someone about my feelings and I love to hear how they feel back. One of the most important things about being with someone is the ability to communicate with each other. Angel wasn’t much of a communicator, whenever I would try to talk to him about my feelings it was too “feminine” for him. He wasn’t much of a talker, but only when he needed to get himself out of trouble. When I broke up with him, I knew that I would not settle for anyone who did not know how to communicate with me. However, as much as we try to plan our next step, the universe always plans it for us. Three years later, while attending college, I met my son’s dad. Unfortunately, he was yet another musician with a communication problem. I was 23 years old with the same problem I had before. The only thing that was different about this situation was that there was someone else I care deeply about. After the sudden breakup with Michael’s father and the news that I was expecting a child, I did not know if there will ever be a possibility between me and this other person who also happened to be… You guessed it, a musician.
Falling for this person was by total accident. After the breakup between my son’s father and I, I vowed to stay away from them because I could not handle that type of hurt again. But eventually, beyond my control, the feelings started to become more than they initially were. I knew by this time I had to share them with him. I later discovered that this person was unavailable for me. I had to ask myself how did the universe manage to manifest a good guy for me at such a bad time? How did I manage to fall in love with someone who was mentally, spiritually and emotionally unavailable? Where did I go wrong? This is where the filling of the empty void comes because I felt as though I was giving so much of myself with nothing in return. Pouring my love, support, and devotion into a bottomless cup. And as much as I had hated to admit it to myself, I realize that I was going through the same situation for the third time. The only difference between this time and the last two times was that he was not mine.
Musicians are human, they have the same emotions but on a bigger scale. I’ve always like to see them as a flower in a garden of ordinary flowers. As I have tried to love them on a more personal level, there are times when I realized that like most beautiful flowers they are only there to be admired from afar. I am most grateful for the lessons I have learned in my adult years with these men that I had loved and still have a love for.