So you wanna date…. A thug.

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So… You want to date a Thug.

You’ve probably heard Fetty Wap’s “Trap Queen” or even watched the Box Office Hit, “Straight Outta Compton” and said to yourself, “I want me a thug.” “I want a bad boy.” Well Thugs aren’t pets and they aren’t plants either, you can’t just give them three square meals a day in hopes of keeping them happy. Not all Thugs are bad, however. For some, a Thug image is just a facade they present when all they really want to do is watch LifeTime movies and share their most intimate thoughts. Being a Thug is not a profession, it’s a mentality. And to be with a Thug, you have to match up with their mentality and lifestyle.

In order to attract a Thug, you must possess the mentality of his equal, a Thug Misses. The only true Thug Misses in the game is none other than the original trap queen herself, Rapper Khia. Unfortunately, Khia has blocked me on twitter so I could not personally ask her what the term meant, but I did go to my Handy Dandy Urban Dictionary and came across the perfect elucidation. “ Thug Misses: A female that is Thugish yet still lady-like and carries herself with balance and knowledge of the streets and the home area.” So now that you have an idea of what is needed to attract a Thug, now you must know what kind of Thugs are out there.

There are FIVE main Thug types that are easily detected when you know what to find and where to find them. Each type listed below have their own personal portrayal of a thug and should be approached with prior knowledge.

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1. “Fake” Thug aka Fuck Boy aka DoucheBag:

This is probably the worst type of Thug you can come across. This douche will not give you the genuine experience of living life in the Thug Lane that you are looking for. He probably drives a 1993 Toyota Camry with fresh paint and rims, have at least two baby mommas in a ten block radius and works at a horrible job in the food industry. This “thug” probably downloads music and movies illegally and smokes weed out of a bong. His best talent? Reciting famous lines from your favorite hood movies.

Where to find this Thug: Fast Food Restaurants or Standing OUTSIDE a club trying to get in.

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2. The “OG” Thug aka Pimp Living :

The “OG” Thug is 40+ years old and has been in the game since their teenage years. They have gained this title not only because they have learned the game of thug living at a young age, but is also seen as a mentor to younger thugs including the “Young-Minded” Thug. This Thug has probably decided to settle down after pimping half of his life. But since the single life isn’t a easy transition for a life-long pimp, you will most likely be one of his many women.

Where to find this Thug: The VIP area of a Night Club or his local Strip joint.

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3. “Young-minded” Thug aka The Pretty Boy

The “Young-minded” Thug is in his twenties and learning the facts of life, the hardway. You probably saw him in passing and just thought he was the sexiest thing you’ve ever did see. This Thug however, is prone to being hot headed. He’ll probably take you out on a date to watch him play basketball and notices another guy watching you, watching him. Before you know it, your thug life boyfriend has this man in a chokehold for looking at you longer than two seconds. When he is not with you or entertaining his other female companions, he is most likely in the studio recording his debut album because he knows the artists of today is “Trash”.

Where to find this Thug: The recording studio, A sports event or His Momma’s house

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4. The “Articulate” Thug aka the cultivated Enigma

One of the rarest and my most favorite Thug of all, is the Articulate Thug. This Thug most likely started off just as hot headed as the “Young-minded” Thug and went through devastating life changes. He is a community activist, a big brother to the young men in his life and a avid reader. He is awoke and will expect you to be too. If you like pork, you don’t anymore. You can learn so much about yourself and life with this Thug. He has or probably is contemplating joining the nation of Islam.

Where to find this Thug: Mosque, A Book Store or at your local Protest

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5. The “Prison” Thug aka “Put money in my commissary.”

DANGER! This is the most dangerous of all Thugs on this list and I wouldn’t recommend you approaching this Thug unless you are really “ABOUT THAT LIFE.” This Thug has probably been in and out of jail so much that the prison guards knows him by his first name. He is without a shadow of a doubt, a true-life Thug and is probably feared by many. With a rap sheet a mile long, he will try to convince you that the system is out to get him and it is all a conspiracy. Believe that if you want to. He will expect money in his commissary and will probably go as far to marry you for conjugal visits. Beyonce did say, “Put a ring on it!”

Where to find this Thug: umm… PRISON.

Well there you have it, the five main Thug types that are easily detected. Again each type has their own portrayal of what a thug is, so approach with precautions. Pimping ain’t easy and neither is being with a Thug. If you incidently, find yourself with a possessive Prison Thug, I hear Witness Protection isn’t so bad.

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