BABY FEVER ON OVERLOAD

 

Baby Fever is something I have been suffering from since my son was old enough to walk. He’s now four years old. It comes and it goes, but it has been more active recently. And I can’t seem to escape from it. I look at babies and I see their small round faces, their little fingers and toes and I become all happy inside like Christmas morning. It’s been insane.

As a child, I have always played with baby dolls, Barbie, Ken and their infants. But somewhere between hitting puberty and high school, I pretty much worked it up in my mind that I didn’t want any after all. Watching childbirth videos can do that to a person. Thanks health class. Several years afterwards, as a full fledged adult I became pregnant and almost instantaneously, my motherly habits and instinct kicked in. I read pregnancy books and magazines, looked into daycare facilities and schools. I practiced everything I believed a soon-to-be mother was suppose to do. And with the help and guidance from my mother and grandmother, I practiced it well. When Michael was born on the last day of august, I was uneasy and scared. Concerned over things that was surprisingly normal. When you are a single person, the only person you have priorities over is yourself. But once you become a parent, that becomes a matter of the past. Your whole well-being becomes your child’s welfare. Protection from all that can be harmful to them. When Michael was born I was so overly protective,  I didn’t really let people handle him. I was so obsessed with my son that I was hauled out of my house by friends and family members just to have some ME time. I would have a good time but was always the one to leave first to run back home to him. That’s me as a mom, obsessed with my son. And I don’t apologize for it.

I went to see a psychic several months back out of sheer wonder. And among things about my life, past, present and future, I was asked if Michael was my only child. When I answered him with a “Yes” he proceeded to tell me that he envisioned a little girl the near future for me. Not to say, I am in any hurry to have another baby. I am more than welcomed to the idea. A year ago next month, my brother had his first son, MJ (Mykel Junior). And exactly like with the birth of Michael, I was obsessed with my first nephew. Little face, fingers and toes.

Baby fever to me is a condition that can be cured. You either would want to have another baby or you choose differently. When I look at Michael, I don’t view that small little baby anymore. Although he will always be my baby, he is growing up very fast. He sings, he dances, he plays video games and can entertain a whole conversation with me. But I do miss the “New Baby Smell” that every baby has. I miss how light weight he was and how his cries sound like a baby lamb. And when I see new babies it just brings me back to when the baby was only a baby. My great grandmother had ten children and back in those days, that was natural. My grandmother had four, and my mom had six. It is in my family history to have a lot of children. I don’t believe I will have that many, but I do look forward into having more.

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