As a woman, do you feel like you are asking for too much? Sometimes I do.
I feel like I am asking for too much and it IS a hard pill to swallow. I have come to the realization that it is not that I am asking for too much, but the person I am asking it from can’t offer me enough. There comes a time in a woman’s life when they become more demanding and assertive with their dreams and desires. When they want to see the things that they have in mind for themselves come to fruition, and yes, we as women chooses the wrong people to give it to us.
When we think on the path of our careers, we may want a job that pays up to $70,000 a year, a corner office, our own parking space, and etc. We create a blueprint in our minds of exactly how and when we are going to get this goal completed, the title we want to have, and the accomplishments to come with it. But let’s say the job that we now have doesn’t offer the $70,000 annual salary, instead of a corner office, you get a cubicle and you have to park in the same public parking garage as everyone else. Do you quit your dream or do you move on to the next job until you see what you want play in action? The same thing with love and relationships.
When I think of love, I know what I want and I know what I expect from the man who I choose to be with. And while there are things that are negotiable, there are other things that is simply not. But with love comes compromises,and not all people understand the concept behind compromising. To compromise isn’t to become someone you are not, or to pretend to want something that you really don’t want,it’s all about willingness. Being willing to give a little to make the next person happy. Although, I understand that some people do choose to take advantage of that, to compromise or sacrifice something for another is inevitable. When I think of the things that I knew years ago I would never compromise over, compare to today, I have grown up a lot. I used to say that I always wanted someone to be at my beck and call, to drop everything when I needed them to be there. But today, I know that this was coming from a very selfish place in my life. It wasn’t fair to them to expect for them to always be there when I called for them, and it wasn’t fair to me to have such a high expectation to only be disappointed in the end.
But this isn’t a post about compromising. It is about asking for what you want and being adamant about it. Knowing that if one person can’t give you what it is that you want and you can still get it from someone else, wouldn’t you still go for it? You have to know your worth. You have to know that you are worth what it is that you want. It is not normal, culturally speaking, to ask directly for what you want. We don’t always ask for things specifically for the fear of rejection, or ridicule from the person we are asking from. You have to know what it is that you want. Yes, you may have an idea of what you want, but do you know EXACTLY what it is that you want? A clear and concise idea. You have to be direct about what you want, who it’s from, when you need it, and what you want the desired outcome to be.
In a relationship, asking for what you want in a non-abrasive way can help both you and your partner. If you don’t know what it is that your partner wants, you could end up with a one-sided solution that may leave you both unsatisfied. There is a difference between wanting something and being demanding of it. When you state what it is that you want, you are communicating with a sense of clarity for both you and your partner. But when you address your desires with a sense of entitlement or appearing demanding, it is almost as if you are telling your partner that they are obligated to give you what it is that you want without the regards of their wants, feelings and needs. But that is where compromising comes back into play.
Alongside knowing exactly what it is that you are looking for, you have to rid yourself of negativity and fear. The fear of asking for what you want and getting EXACTLY what you want, is more common than you think. Sometimes, we can subconsciously sabotage ourselves just before we receive what we want. This deep-rooted fear of rejection can leave you impaired. The biggest mistake we could all make is not taking the risk and not trying. What’s the worse that could happen?
Whether it is a higher salary, a bigger home or more sex, you can always find a way to ask for what it is that you want in a respectful manner. If you ask with confidence and certainty, you will get more than those who are hesitant and unclear. It’s just science.