Breaking Up Doesn’t Always Have to Be Bitter

When we first enter a relationship, everything seems to be positive. You don’t necessarily have to have a great or lasting bond with someone to have fun on a few dates. Heading to the cinema doesn’t require much conversation and having a few drinks in a bar can help to reduce tensions and spur conversation on some subject or another. However, being in a committed relationship requires a lot more in order to work. In order to have a successful relationship, you have to genuinely get on at a deeper and more substantial level, you usually have to share similar values, and you need to genuinely want things to work, which means making sacrifices for the sake of the other person. It’s not all too surprising that many relationships can come to an end. Whether this is early on in the relationship or much later down the line. One common feeling that tends to accompany the end of a relationship is bitterness. But things don’t necessarily have to end this way. You can have an amicable end to a relationship. Here are a few steps that you can take in order to give yourself the best chance of achieving this!

Take Care of Formalities Professionally

If you have been in the relationship for a long time, there are likely to be a few formalities that will need to be sorted out. Feelings of bitterness often arise when one partner feels they have had to contribute more to some financial aspect of the relationship. If two people have been living together, there may be disputes over who gets to keep the house, who gets to keep items that have been bought for the property, and who has to take over care of bills and debts that have been built up jointly. Generally speaking, it’s best to collaborate with professionals when it comes to splitting belongings and assets that have been gathered during the relationship. Family law solicitors will be able to split everything fairly. Not only does this take a whole lot of weight off your shoulders, but it also takes a whole lot of responsibility and blame off your shoulders. Your partner will not be able to be bitter about you gaining part of the property or belongings, as it is what is legally right and fair.

Give Yourself Space to Grieve the Relationship:

Many couples who are trying to end things amicably and civilly don’t allow one another time away from each other following the break up. They will try to maintain a friendship or keep in touch straight off the bat. While this can work for some people, it isn’t what’s best for everyone. Most people will need some time separate from their partner in order to grieve the relationship. While you may not have completely lost the person, they will no longer play the role in your life that they previously have. You’ll have lost a certain level of emotional support from this individual and you may need time alone to grieve this loss.

Apologise for Previous Wrongs

While we tend to focus on the other individual’s wrongs in the relationship, it’s important to recognise your own wrongs. If you had a manipulative partner, don’t automatically assume that wrongs they claim you have carried out are as unacceptable as they may be. But if you had a relatively fair and reasonable partner, you might want to take a look at grievances they had in a relationship and you might want to apologise for any poor behaviour or actions on your own part. Sometimes you do just have to take yourself off the pedestal a little. This could spur them to review the relationship themselves and admit to and apologise for their own wrongs. Receiving an apology can help to make things a lot easier to get over.

Avoid Thinking About “What If” Scenarios

Many people will try to repair a relationship that simply isn’t working, as they’ll engage with “what if” modes of thinking. They will question how good the relationship could have been if certain things hadn’t occurred or if certain decisions hadn’t been made. There’s no use doing this. You will only revel in situations that are not real. At the end of the day, what has happened has happened, and if you can’t move on from it, there’s no use trying to brush it under the carpet. While things could continue well for a short period of time, you are likely to see it all brought back up as soon as you have any form of disagreement or argument. There’s no point in trying to force a relationship to work. It should work easily itself.

Consider Therapy

If you are still struggling to let go of feelings of bitterness or resentment associated with your relationship coming to an end, you might want to consider therapy or counselling. This will provide you with an outlet where you can talk things over in a neutral setting. Your thought process can be guided and steered in the right direction and your counselor will be able to show you different techniques that can help you to move on in a positive and progressive manner.

These are just a few different steps that you might want to consider taking when your relationship comes to an end. While it may be easier to hold onto negative feelings, bear grudges, and revel in bitterness, it’s a whole lot better for you and everyone else involved if you incorporate the above advice into your life and move on in a more graceful manner.

Advertisements